literature

Honesty

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Kateydid3's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

I try so hard to act like I don't care, to act like I care,
To imprison the words that are suffocating me
And choke just a bit longer, just one more day,
But it's so hard to keep quiet
When the insidious whisper won't shut up-
Just keep it in, just keep it in, just keep the pain your own again.

(I'm tired of the acting and tired of fake smiles
But if I lay down for one moment
I swear I'll never get up)


I've locked away hackneyed phrases in a box in a fairytale,
And in silence I take them out and tear-stain them,
But I might as well be gagged for all I can say aloud.
The one who sees me is only the wind
As the night rises over the dead fields that I retrace
Mouthing the lyrics to songs I tried to forget.

(And the music is everywhere and it burns
Smoldering feelings I tucked away
The night I swore on cracked lips I didn't care anymore)


I have a Ziplock bag labeled "Honesty" in black-acid Sharpie
Stuffed full of scribbles and confessions
Crammed behind my bookshelf
So maybe I can convince myself it's fiction
And no one has to see that it's not.
The words can't cut anyone that way.

(These thoughts are ugly and broken and sharp
And so true they make me bleed
But let's all pretend that these wounds are healed, why don't we?)
And I promise you, this is the most honest I will ever be about this here.
© 2011 - 2024 Kateydid3
Comments10
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allygrace's avatar
Love you, Kate. This was beautiful.